Effective Parenting- A Tool for Social Progress

Effective Parenting- A Tool for Social Progress

John Bayron, a foreign businessman was bed-ridden and fighting for life for few months. He was passing very bad time in deed as waiting for the deadly death is not so welcoming for the human beings. Nobody thought that he would be offered the chance of getting back to normal life. He, a very rich man acquired a lot of multi-storied towers, cars, bank balance, a very big business, fashionable young ladies and innumerable admirers around him. He was in the habit of leading a so-called pompous life having encircled by a lot of fashionable young girls, branded wines and cash dollars. He was asked what was his thinking or feeling when he was about to die or he was in the fear of his death. Was he thinking of his hard earned riches, or expensive towers, cars, houses, business issues or about the beautiful and fashionable girls who were always devoted to serving him very closely?

Mr Bayron, in turn smiled a bit and replied that  his thoughts and feelings were neither concentrated to riches, to any earthly wealth nor any fashionable girl but to his beloved children and spouse whom he neglected when he had been very healthy. Time and again the beloved faces of his children, spouse and parents were getting present in his mind's screen. And after he got back and opened his eyes, he looked for his spouse first whom he did never give due concentration, respect, and love and care that much. They were present beside his bed with tears in eyes and praying for his early recovery.

The more fearful and important moment is the time of departure from this world. If anybody can think and feel that the person concerned is leaving this world for good, mundane truth becomes vigilant before his/her eyes. Bayron after he got back changed his life in a truthful manner. His daily rituals got a sharp change. He worked for them whom he loved most, he loved his wife and kids the most, and he never touched wine and visited fashionable girls. He devoted his time for his family the most. Literally he did everything what his conscience allowed him to do. John Bayron was lucky enough as he got the chance by the divine God to come back and re-arrange his life. But everybody doesn't get the scope to do the same in the same way. So we, who are leading our lives on earth should be focused to forming a good family and give our full heart and attention to the members of the family. Being able to form a good family life and lead a joyful, healthy and disciplined family life is nothing but a gift of God on earth.

On this lovely planet we are the representatives of God and as such our kids are our representatives and their kids would be theirs. It's a continuous process. It's the responsibility of the parents to take great care of the kids, nourish, educate and help them to grow with them in a disciplined, efficient and proper manner. And so parenting starts long before taking birth of the kid when the parents start thinking of taking a kid, desiring of a kid and praying to God for a kid. Every parents like their kids-no doubt but nourishing and taking care of the kids in a rightful direction, leading and educating them the thoughtful lessons meant for them is very difficult- not at all easy. Parents need to be very thoughtful, farsighted, educated, and patient and if needed well trained though we are lagging behind in case of parent training and counseling in our society.

As we do our job and business with utmost care, devotion and patience, we need to nourish and rear our kids in the same way taking much time and with much patience and devotion. Parenting is certainly a job which demands deep concentration, time, devotion and patience.

I am a parent and a constant reader on parenting and child-psychology. Whenever I get time I share my earned knowledge and information with my fellow parents.

One day I was discussing the issue with one of my friends who happen to be a big businessman having a lot of earthly wealth and property. He went through a very turbulent childhood having severe crisis of food and cloths and he has owned a lot of property by dint of his own merit, efforts, untiring dedication, industry and continuous labor. To the best of my knowledge he tries to lead a good and honest life. He normally comes back home after eleven pm and leave home for office at eleven am just getting from bed at 9 to 10am. He is very caring and he fulfills the demand of the kids every time. If the kids want a doll, he buys three dolls; he frequently buys them fast food from the costliest restaurants of the town, he sends them to the finest schools as he doesn't want the kids to have a childhood like his one. He wants to ensure their very good financial base so that they don't suffer like him even after his death. He has been very obsessed with earning money for ensuring the kids' future even at the cost of the kids' present. Now the question is-is he a good parent? The answer of this question demands research and stunning thought.

Is it important to retain a lot of money and earthly property even after our death for our children? It also demands a multiple evaluation. One of my known gentlemen inherited five or six multi-storied houses at the posh area of Dhaka city, a lot of landed property beside Dhaka city and an industry after his father's death. He leased the industry for a ten year term and rented the houses. He was earning around Tk 1.50 million per month without any visible effort on his part. He gets up from the happy (!) bed at around 12.30pm, takes his well cooked food as lunch and then takes rest for two hours and at last he goes to the club at around 5pm. He maintains the social (!) relationship up to 12pm and comes back home at around 12.30am with a deadly peace in mind. He can't move his legs and hands but he has got a fantastic and calm wife who helps her beloved husband to take the body on bed. His wife takes a painful but long breath and lies down beside him. It has been a routine life of the very gentleman.

But his father worked very hard to earn money and property at his young age to ensure the life of his only son. Should we believe that the life of this gentleman has been ensured? The parents need to take a deep breath and think over this fact and give a pause in thinking- are we proceeding in the right direction in rearing our kids?

I shared this story with my mentioned businessman - friend. He responded, "I didn't think in that way." Actually we don't or can't think until and unless someone helps us to think. The readers who are going through this article would think a bit on this issue, I believe.

Our kids want nothing but undivided attention, heart-to-heart closeness, all out support, patience and mostly quality time. They want their parents would play with them being kids, would hold them with utmost love and affection and would keep them safe and sound in danger and would not leave them under any circumstances. But what we actually do with them? We are very busy for our kids, we don't have a single moment as we are awfully busy with ensuring the future of our kids but it's a matter of great regret that we are not busy with our kids. We are very busy for their future but literally we are ignoring their present and thereby future. Future is always future- we have to emphasize on present, we have to live in present, we have to enjoy every moment of our life. We should be more focused on transforming our kids to wealth not to acquire wealth legally or illegally for ensuring their future. If they can be transformed into asset or wealth, they would be able to generate more wealth and also keep the earned or inherited wealth safe and secured. They would be able to secure their lives.

I believe you, who are with this article now would agree with me that parents, knowingly or unknowingly, are responsible in a great deal for this social degradation, the moral and ethical downfall of the young generation and the involvement with drugs and anti-social activities of the youths.

Our children will follow our actions we do before them than the advice we render to them. Advising them to tell the truth but telling lies in front of them will give them the message that nothing wrong with telling lies as their parents who are their icon and mentor on earth are telling lies. Human beings are run by their subconscious mind. They do and act upon the instruction of the subconscious mind.

Research has proved that the most part of the untold genius and possibility of kids are destroyed at home by the parents and close relatives with whom the kids grow. The kids need full heart of the parents and absolute liberty to flourish in full bloom. But they are always said a word 'NO'. 'Don't do it, don't catch it, don't run, don't touch the glass, don't bring water, don't enter that room'- are the negative instruction they get every moment. They get confused and learn the negativity which helps the kids to be people of negative attitude. And a man with negative attitude can't lead a truly fulfilling life. The kids will never learn to work in liberty and leadership in them will not grow if we always give the input 'NO' in their subconscious mind. Parents should be very much attentive and careful in uttering any word and doing any work before the kids. Their record player and SIM card are empty and very powerful.

Let's tell them the positive words, encourage them and provide them with unconditional love and support in tiny danger. Let's share a tiny experiment I personally made with my young kid of only two years. One day after a sudden load shedding we were sitting in front of a candle with reddish flame. My kid, Parisa was trying to hold the colorful flame and I was observing her activity. My wife was stopping her from going near to the candle. She started scolding me and trying to let Parisa away from there. I requested her not to stop but to wait and see. Parisa went close to the flame but didn't touch as she felt hot. She refrained herself from touching the flame and never touched it again. Please be with your kid and give full support as safety net. The kids will feel secured and understand that parents are with them in every situation.

If your children are grown up under your dynamic, tiresome and efficient and effective leadership, they will be turned into real asset. If you have less wealth or no visible property but eligible and honest children, you will feel happy and fulfilled. But if you have plenty of wealth, sky-high towers, billions of bank balance and a truly bad son or daughter with all negative qualities, you will never feel happy. Your desired happiness will turn into ashes and hearty laughter will turn into untold miseries. You will feel empty and pauper.

Life is all about choices. We have to take the control over our life and think whether we will like a family centered and focused social life. I don't want to say that we don't need wealth but I think and believe we need wealth in an honest and disciplined way. But we mostly need our kids to turn into assets. Our due importance and concentration should be given to our family and mostly to our beloved kids as they will live and enlighten the world on behalf of us after our inevitable departure from this world.

Shaiful Hossain. He can be reached at letusthinkbig@gmail.com


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